Stuff and Thoughts by -

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About me ? Ah! I never get this right away. Filling up the 'About Me' section has been a difficulty of all times. I start with something and end up with what you are reading now. After having used the backspace key ten to fifteen times, i spare you all and stop here.(I guess you've now known a little ABOUT ME.)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Story `

This is when happiness gives birth to memories !

Dipped in hue, she came. Happiness. She gave me her wings to fly and it filled me with butterflies. I felt like dangling amidst the clouds. If there were numbers to clouds, mine would be nine. From up above there, i saw a rainbow. Mesmerising the view was. The colors of the rainbow went from horizon to horizon. Slowly, the colors dimmed. Out of seven, three remained. The sun shone brightly one day and the clouds started disappearing. All the mist and chillness of air subsided. Weather was pleasant, neither the heat nor the cold bothered. There are twists and turns in living. Happiness comes when it is most unexpected and so does the sadness. The sun grew vengeful to burn me inside. All the butterflies flew away.A sweet little faith was held that one day day she will be back with her butterflies and the cloud number nine.Yet another day, those butterflies returned to me. A smile spread. Happiness came from within. Clouds covered the shining sun, though the number nine was lost, weather was pleasing again. It was time for her to come.
It was time for the memories to come..

Memories..the daughter of happiness..

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Intent on Satisfaction

I dont know what is it that brings me immense is just that i want to measure the contentment whenever i am happy, when im sad, when im involved in a thing or when excluded from something. I would so measure it that i get to know a little more of myself. And the data i collect would be used tactfully for future use. Music ofcourse has been something i always use when dissatisfied. And there are a few more...
Scooty...i love driving through lonely lanes and the speed is directly proportional to the weather.
Diary...i talk to her..and whenever i make crosses and zeroes and squares and lines, i first let her know that i'm gonna scribble in you..i tend to get babyish with her..
Sleep...if only i get it right away..
Other times, simply wasting time keeps me satisfied.

P.S : I haven't read a single page today..i have my offensive examinations. And I am Satisfied today !

         I am Happy today !

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Childhood =)

It is Childhood when..

You have to pretend to sleep when your dad steps in your room..
when you knees have constant scars..
when you can bleed blood and not tears !

when you can ask your mom to do your incomplete homework..that says that you are not the only person responsible for academic flaws..

when you can walk and kick pebbles on road..and then re-kick..and return when u miss a shot..and then run to join others..

you dont need to look perfect..
when you can always want to sing, to roam, to speak about anything and etm..
when you can always want to play !

you can sleep without setting alarms..
and..when you are allowed to do nothing at all and that too very legally !

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Long came to me..

You'll come to me
I'm getting high.
I look for you into the mirror,
I find myself complete.
I find myself rich.

The world will hear me loud,
it'll be high, it'll be loud.

Although you are just a stranger,
i have promises to live..
and ill live them all this moment
and thence free me forever.

Im happy coz if you leave,
you'll be leaving me for the final time.
Never thought i'll loose your shoulders,
but im glad i'll get them today.

I wont cry, wont let you down.
I would behave, be sane, wont let you down.
My piece of heaven, you'll come i know.
You will come to me..because you owe !

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Forlorn Being

I was aloft this fascinating light house and you were besides me. You were tied and from wind separated. 
I was climbing down this fascinating light house. You were behind me. And with a flicker we became alone together. Prologues say what enigma is and swiftly my life turns oxymoron. 

The golden hue is set to sour into silver. The standing sun smirks at me.A constant glare at the steps behind and the constant overwhelming nothingness. I am still climbing down the lighthouse that seems to never end. Your absense brings on the vehement dislike of myself. You sing of songs of laughter and heights while i speak of my physical forlorn being.

At times when i unfurl lighter shades of life, i find heavy lumps somwhere down the throat.
At times when i unfurl darker shades of life, i find muscles rising up the cheek bones.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Aaj dil dukha hai..
Tum yaad aye..
Anjane log hai..
Apne kahan dhoond payen..

Friday, September 3, 2010

A Birthday Letter

3rd September.
Those days have went away no doubt but there has never been a time when i did not think of you. I wish to imagine the way you would have looked today. You would have grown up and been a handsome young man na. Would you have been taller ? I guess yes. Would you have continued to measure our heights every second day ? 

Seventeen years old you have been today if only you would have been....
Ten years have passed by, lots of seasons and millions of seconds. 
Memories are vague but somehow retained.
I remember the last time I saw were sleeping..
I just want to tell you I still miss you hard and will carry on.
Why didnt you talk to me before going ?
Only if you reply to this letter, I promise to love you more. 
I know now what you meant to me.
I also want to tell you that I miss doing your homework too.
I'll keep writing until you reply me one day.
Miss me too. Miss me if you ever look at a blank besides you in whichever world you are.

Sending you birthday candles. Blow them away.


Monday, August 23, 2010

Green Sandals

At times I fail to comprehend the world inside me and even the one outside. This piece of text speaks stupidly of...umm...dunno..maybe of a kind of abatable nuisance.

A token to extend..
That thing to walk on a land..
Give me my green sandals back.
Now when you have taken my wings away,
Gimme my Green sandals again.

I cannot always linger.
I cannot keep dangling around,loitering around.
With Daffodils my feet are bound..
Gimme those Green sandals now.

Enough of presents showered..
Tons of strawberries eaten..
Now left on earth..
I would need those Green sandals.

Stories of lavish existence..
will ponder ever over me.
For things I heard, I stargazed but neva' seen,
I call for a pair of those, I'm utterly keen.
Give those sandals..and that color Green.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Memoirs of a Juvenile

He took me home when I was five. 
He was a godparent to me. 
He was god to me. 
He played with my toys and along with me. 
He scribbled in my notebooks when i wrote numbers and alphabets.
He ran barefoot on footpaths while we went out to get new shoes for me.
He liked me a lot and I loved him a ton.
He watched me while I slept.
He stared at my lips whenever I was eating.
I used to hold his hand at home.
He used to hold my hand when out.
He used to burst out balloons before I could see them fly.
He scissored my hair when they grew down my shoulders.
He used to switch off lights while going out on streets leaving me behind.
He adored when I wept and held me tight when he cried.
He used to run behind my tricycle.
He took me once to a musical show.
He has purchased a new watch for me and one day I lost it.
I have also lost him now.

People said he was a maniac.
People say i was bought up by a maniac.
People say i am insane which i am not.
I am wild.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


Kabhi sath baitho to ye janoge
ek tanha dil ka saath kya hota hai..
Shant baithoge to janoge
chup zubaan ke labz..
Agar sun sake mujhe der raat tak
to paoge meri madhoshi ki jhalak..

Jo jaan na sake to samjha na sakungi.

Gar jo samajh gaye to..
mil jaega tumhe mera jahan.
Meri aankhon me doob ke..
maloom hoga in band aankhon ka nazara.
Bas tamanna hai ki anjaane ho aur anjaan reh jao..
Jo darmiyan rahe uska koi naam na ho.

Bas saath baithe raho to janoge
ek tanha dil ka saath kya hota hai..

Saturday, July 31, 2010

10 lines i squared up

1. My class rooms are a place for solving Sudoku.
2. My bucket list includes driving an Auto.
3. Silence and patience is what i seldom leave.
4. I wonder how a song can invoke anything or everything it wants to from depths of a person.
5. Care is the only language in which my Dad speaks to me.
6. The rainbow is always colored ! aw !
7. A little secret kept to yourself is Enigma.
8. My roll no. is 108 and i'm in love with it for unknown and obviously dumb reasons.
9. I am left undisturbed when i really need somebody to talk to. Vice versa too is always true.
10. Roshini is my long back lost best friend, one of the most beautiful memories i retain in my head from Nagpur. i wish even she would be scribbling my name in her last pages somewhere on Earth.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

SHOo(E) - IN

It is cold.
and things knock as i still behold.
Aw ! The world is never cared for. 
And heart travels on parallel tracks.
People are left far behind..
they -the satisfaction of a kind.
Today i cannot bet that i do not regret.

Running barefoot on the desert's sand, all day long..
i ask where exactly do i belong ?
Perhaps i at places lack,
people at front and people at back.
Yet no one besides..
away from my hive everyone slides.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Meri Aawaaz

There is too much which is care for much. Tons and tons of things and people are been and being missed as a routine. There are millions of questions running in head as the clock ticks. I keep asking them to myself and may be a time in future will come when i will look back and answer them all myself.

There is a bunch of ephemeral pleasures in life and they are dragged along on shoulders as far in life as they possibly can be.
I imagine a sweet simple soothing kiss on my forehead.
Away would be undesired lest not the wishes i made.
All i demand, all i want is to make my retentions a little vague.

Some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only lonliness can help you find again. Sometimes we live with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears.

BTW im in love with a song..

naam gum jaayegaa, chehraa ye badal jaayegaa
meri aawaaz hi pehchaan hai, gar yaad rahe

wakt ke sitam kam haseen nahi, aaj hai yahaa kal kahi nahi
wakt ke pare agar mil gaye kahi, meri aawaaz hi.. ..

jo guzar gayi, kal ki baat thi, umar to nahi yek raat thi
raat kaa siraa agar fir mile kahi, meri aawaaz hi.. ..

din dhale jahaa raat paas ho, zindagi ki lau unchi kar chalo
yaad aaye gar kabhi ji udaas ho, meri aawaaz hi.. .

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Baithe Baithe

"Zindagi ki talaash me,
Kahan se kahan aa gaye.
Jab dekha to ghabra se gaye,
ki maut ke itne kareeb aa gaye."
"Aankhein khuli thi meri marne ke baad bhi..
Aankhon ko aadat jo thi Intezaar ki."

Saturday, June 12, 2010

A Pause

Aur phir yun hua
Raat ek khaab ne jaga diya !

Now her hopes reach a stage where she gets a nomadic feeling lately.
Her days started coming and going away AWAY unshared, unspoken.
An insignificance rules over each deed and thought.

phir yun hua..

She awaits a moment to come that could take her with it deliberately.
She intends to pen down stuff,
believing that the best portion of her life would not fly unwritten or rather undiscovered.
But it seems the definition of best is not known to these dying moments.

Soil is the only one that changes its smell in rain.
She has been unvarying for a while and she wonders when this sky would cry,
then it would rain on her.

Connections to solitude.
Build up monologues.
Desultory thoughts.
She belying herself.

Phir nahi so sake,
ek sadi ke liye hum diljale !

Sunday, June 6, 2010

पानी में जो दिखाई न दे वो छवि हूँ मैं |
एक आम ज़िन्दगी की कड़ी हूँ मैं |
सिक्के इकट्ठे करने वालो के संग्रह में,
स्वार्थी सोच का एक दलदल हूँ मैं ||

उमीदों की खरोंच की निशानी हूँ मैं |
शून्य से लेकर नौ हू तक हूँ मैं |
रिक्त स्थानों की हैरानी हूँ मैं |
बैचैन जीते रहने में खोयी हुई फुर्सत हूँ मैं ||

अनजानी भीड़ में अनजानी जुडी हूँ मैं |
जी हाँ अनजान ही जुडी हूँ मैं |
सयाने परकटे तोते की उड़ान हूँ मैं |
शहर में बिकने लगा है अब मातम भी..
आंधी में अध्-जले दिए की लौ हूँ मैं ||

सिक्के इकट्ठे करने वालो के संग्रह में,
गरीब सोच का एक दलदल हूँ मैं ||

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Yaad hai voh pehli mulaaqaat yaad hai
Yaad hai mujhe teri har ek baat yaad hai
Voh maheki raatein, saari saugaatein
Bheegi meri aankhon se aansu beh chale
Kisse kuch puraane mil gaye
Rone ke bahaane mil gaye..
Kisse kuch puraane mil gaye
Rone ke bahaane mil gaye..

The fondness to this sad song makes me elated.
Love this song for today.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Room for Fantasies

I just stole a glance..oh down !. Not this. My mock tail is here and the discussion on lipsticks start over again. that blemishing pink is awesome. This penetrating blue awful,glossy orange,tint of crimson..and it went on. My eyes hook at his face once again and back down to the dazzling sticker on kim's cellphone. "1 message received"- the nokia reads and vibrates on my lap. It stroke like an alarm to correct myself. By the time i realized,the topic had switched from lipsticks to don't know what. Perhaps sumthing related to agony and then sumthing to do with eye candies. Eye candies bla..eye candies bla..eye candies blurr.. and my eyes roll again.this time gripped into his eyes and my head down again.the very next moment an air of current flows through till my toes as i realize his eyes were on me.

"indu bas stop! Enough of this peep and hide business".i yell at self.i give away my unfinished mock tail glass.A trip to washroom,back again,i sit with my back facing him being thankful for keeping the change unquestioned.Half an hour passes and its only a quarter left to 12 now.An urge of him continuously storming underneath. Queries prefixed with "will he" slide simultaneously. Before i appreciate my decision to turn back for a glance,the job is done, i'm finished turning around and he is gone. Awfulness fills me. I search a couple of directions,some more corners and a few more walls. Bells start ringing,carols are sung, merries of Christmas prevails and for the very umpteenth time i feel void. Annoyed. Dissapointed and lost.

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Puchti hoon mai samajh se ki kyu ayi woh meri nadaani ke beech.
Kyu sikha gayi mujhe woh saare matlab ?
Meri rooh ko jaga gayi woh ?
Abhi to bacchpana chuta bhi na tha.
Kagaz ki kashti dekh kar bhi labon par haasi aa jaati..
Ab to sochu jo ke ek pal thehar jau..
To zindagi chaar kadam age badh leti hai.
Aankhein maa ki ek nazar ko taras jaati hai.
Samundar ke anchal me jhulte jhulte..
Uski gehrayi ka andaaz ho gaya.
Jeene ke mayine badle,
Samajh se saamna ho gaya.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Don't look at me with such expecting eyes.
I can't confront them.
Don't bring yourself too close to my cheeks.
I become uncomfortable.
Love seems to be so strange.
And im not expert at the fine art of ignoring.
When i turn and start going away, dont hold my hands tight.
It hurts.
Stop bringing my name on your lips.
Somewhere deep down my heart freezes.
The perfume points your presence here.
Im sinking finding ways to hide.
Trying to pretend that i unnoticed you.
Oh ! im so not trodden to this wet feeling yet.
So,leave me to myself.
Go ahead,out of my environs.
Leave me behind.
Never again look at me with those expecting eyes.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Restless forbearance

Of queries to my angel..
Was it you on that starry night when stars dangled from nowhere.
Was it you ?
You who let the quill lay on my shoulder when it drizzled ?
The one who vanished with the beam of piercing light when i had no control on my lashes, was it you ?
I stand here with the feather now,to take you away with me.
And you are nowhere to be seen.
Where are you now?Where?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Saggy` Shelter`

Below are the lines carelessly scribbled in the last page of my notebook during the last college hours..
Nothing much like giving a thought..

I am a skeleton.
I have no soul.
I have lived my fortune.
I have lived after i died.
I have crossed a horizon.
The one unnoticed by you.

Gimme your soul now.
Turn yourself into ashes.
Burn your desires.
Come to me.
Cherish your traumas.
Endure your griefs.
Kill the gift of Lord..the panacea.
Come to the one whose ecstasy is death.
Come to me.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Sometimes i try being angry..
Sometimes i wish to freak myself out..
I want to yell on people around and even at ones not around..
I wish to abuse every silly-rotten-shit-person..

"Tujha maiyla, Saalo kutro "

I wish to show The Finger and bury bodies alive..
I want to shrill and complain and gibber and exhaust and grow wicked..

Shrug !
I unsurprisingly fail !

Friday, January 29, 2010

I am hOme again

Im back home !

tu tudu ta ra ri ra ra..
ta ra ri raa tup tudu tu..
tu du tuuuu tu du ruuuu
ta ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra raaaaaaaa....

Another noon.Coziness and me in my room.Let that be enough(switch foot) playing in the background and falling in love with the stillness all over.

"let me know that you hear me.
let me know you're touched
let me know that you love me
let that be enough.."

tu du tuuuu tu du ruuuu
ta ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra raaaaaaaaaa...

Aaw i can resist myself resistable.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pulse remains'

Definition of peace i googled :
"Peace is a state of balance and understanding in yourself and between others" ..

Redefined :

White on paper.
Tree from train.
Ocean from bay.
Sky from earth.

and you from my memories.


The ambiguity of expressions. The black seconds of life.. Like the colors of a faded rainbow.. The heart beats missed..
""One moment of lost myself..
And the footprints of remains left in me... Till now..still now.. I do believe that.. that.. What i believe wasn't true.. Unilluminated.""

The peace prevails and pulse remains...

I've been Tagged.

Dark resolutions.

1st : I want to tell my mum about all the times i hated her.I really want to remind her about the list of moments unidentified on her part in which she grew repulsive and...the dots of continuity.

2nd : Stop making the above resolution year after year,every year.

3rd : Accept that i'm not so satisfied with the crap life i live.This feeling haunts me badly at times.

4th : Confess to my little sis that im terrifically jealous of her coz she posses all that i ever longed for.

5th : Fall from somewhere or meet with an accident, feel the pain of broken bones.

The list is never ending but maybe all except these 5 are too dark to mention.

I love my mum.(add the most intense adjective according to you for love)